I don’t like Leylandii hedges. I’m allergic to fir tree sap, so even if they looked attractive they wouldn’t be my hedge plant of choice. Ours came with the house. It was fifty metres long, eight feet tall and four feet thick (excuse the mixed units) and it did a very good job of separating the bottom of our garden from the A701 road. Every year it sent thug-like new growth skywards almost at random, some of it well over four feet tall. The year before last we hired a professional hit man to slice off the top and he did a super job of cutting the whole hedge down to seven feet. A few months later we had three feet of snow and -20ºC frosts and the hedge went from green to brown. Last year there was new growth and we hoped for the best, but alas, last year’s early winter finished it off and it went from very brown to very brown indeed. In fact it looks, as my father occasionally said about me, as if it has been dragged through a hedge backwards. So what to replace it with, that is the question. It has to be evergreen. Beech would do, but I suspect that because lorries pass it, at well over the 40 limit, they would soon would whip off all the crispy brown leaves that look so nice in winter. The alternative is a wooden fence – and I’m thinking of a FENCE, not B&Q panels. So, Fence Fund, rather than Hedge Fund?