It’s Christmas Eve and the BIG PARCEL hasn’t come. It could be that UPS is busy helping Santa and the elves, but I doubt it. I encountered a nose-to-tail squadron of UPS vans on the Edinburgh by-pass yesterday heading east from their depot, in the general direction of my house. It was an encouraging sight and I expected to see my parcel safe on my doorstep… or if not on my doorstep (because the BIG PARCEL has to be signed for) then in the safe hands of my neighbour – who is also expecting a parcel delivery from UPS (a parcel that came from the Far East, then from Midlands Airport to Edinburgh, but no further than that, apparently) and which didn’t come on the day the UPS computer said it would come.
My crime was not to be home when they attempted delivery on Friday 10th December, two weeks ago. I was left a note saying they would deliver on the following Monday, so I stayed home all day. They didn’t come. I tried to call them to arrange another delivery but was unable to speak to a human. I got a tracking page on their website that told me the package would be delivered next day so I stayed in again. Did they come? Is the moon a balloon?
And so it goes on. Their website is updated several times a day. Each day it tells me that my BIG PARCEL is out for delivery, so it must be one of the most widely travelled parcels in the country. Note that I am not criticising the drivers, they have all had a hard time. What is wrong is a system that makes false promises (i.e., lies) to its customers and is clearly unable to cope when other firms can.
It’s not as if we live in Narnia, so they don’t have to get their vans through the back of that wardrobe. Other delivery firms with Edinburgh depots have been delivering here despite the snow. Royal Mail, City Link, Home Delivery and others have been regular and faultless, so UPS can’t use ‘the weather’ as an excuse – or if they do, then as my geology professor would say, ‘It may be a perfectly valid reason, Whittle, but it is not the correct one.’
*This is the UPS new slogan. Meaningless, or what? And the pic at the top of this post isn’t mine, I got it off the web – so it looks like I’m not the only one who is not a happy bunny.
Postscript: I now know that today, while I was out, a UPS van stopped outside my house, delivered my neighbour’s parcel but not mine. Sad but true. So no BIG PARCEL for Christmas. Well done, UPS! Go to the bottom of the class and then to bed with no pudding.