Bovine satnav

‘Can you see the cow in the sky, up above the clouds?‘ the FYO said as we drove up the road. ‘The cow in the sky gives you directions. If it moos, then you turn left.‘ ‘And what if it doesn’t moo?’ I asked. ‘Then you don’t turn left.‘ Though there was a smigin of logic in this, I could see that if I obeyed the cow in the sky I would be condemned to drive anti-clockwise for ever. ‘Doesn’t the cow give any other instructions?’ I asked. ‘Yes. If it wags its tail then you go backwards. If it nods its head you go straight on.‘ I’m almost embarrassed to admit that I sat there working out the various permutations of this, like what if it wagged its tail and mooed, or mooed while nodding its head. I also knew that I had come across logic like this before. It was just like the instructions that came with the MFI flat-packs.

This morning I fell in a pond…

Yes, really. Not merely slipped off the side and got my feet wet, this was a roll-in-sideways job, fully clothed in overalls and welly boots. I decided the rain was too bad to work in and I went to stand up. I was kneeling, and I went to put my left leg on the sticky-out planks that you see in the photo… the planks I had just sawn off to make the platform into the shape of a tadpole.

The only other time I can remember falling into a pond was when I was three. They say you can’t remember things from that age but that just ain’t true, folks. I had a new pair of wellies and I was trying them out. I didn’t know that the pond would come over my boots and can remember them filling up with water. Then I fell forwards. I don’t remember anything else. I’m told that the gardener (no, not ours, we didn’t even have a garden. My mother was working as a housekeeper at the time) found me floating face-down and hauled me out.

Some pond-dipping platforms don’t have handrails. The one at Whitmuir Organics WILL have one….

Cliff Collapse, Cornwall

I’ve never liked walking along paths at the top of cliffs*. I used to wonder if I was just being a wimp. Maybe not…..

Click here.

*This was near Gwithian, north of Redruth.

Virus Alert

My notebook PC came up with a pop-up notice today telling me that my virus checker had protected me from a number of threats recently. Then it listed them: File based threats blocked 0; e-mail threats blocked 0; Spyware healed 0; Infections healed 0; Total threats protected against 4708684 – presumably the number of viruses on their list.

Not much to worry about there, then.

Having said that, when I buy and set up a new computer – for myself or anyone else (I do about one a year) – the very first thing I do is to remove the ‘free’ virus checker the manufacturer has included in the software package – software that is free only for the first year, of course. Then it runs out and you get a demand for an on-line payment to keep it up to date. Not one demand, but one every time you use your computer. To me this is like blackmail.

After deleting the so-called freebie I go online and download a genuinely free virus checker such as AVG or Microsoft Security Essentials. AVG has worked for me for years. I have been using desktop computers since 1980 and have never had a virus that has damaged or immobilised my PC.

If you haven’t already done so, try it. I was given a copy of Which? Magazine recently and I’m chuffed to say that they came to the same conclusion.